singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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