the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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