took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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