I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
