and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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