Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
