Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
