just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
