She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
