Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
