I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
