His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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