Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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