I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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