You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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