just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
