pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
