dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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