You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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