trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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