Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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