And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
