I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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