$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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