Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
