dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
