their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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