She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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