we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
