what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
