Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
