you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
