That's intense
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
