Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just invented taco cereal.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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