I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
