And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
