Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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