i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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