New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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