"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
