maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
