...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
