when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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