Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
