You're my little dorito
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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