so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
