my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
