My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
