what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
