just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize