so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
