No stitches, just platelets and will power
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
