I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
