There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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