tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
