the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
