i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
