Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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