he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
