I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
