just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
