Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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