super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
