You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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