Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
