Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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