erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need water and some morals
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
