my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
