I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
