And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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