I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
