i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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