I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
