I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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