I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
