Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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