Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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