drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
