Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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