I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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