I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
