In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
